fear and love

Love is putting me through the trials

But I am a warrior and I will be brave

I feel so acutely all that is happening g within my own brain

And the brains of those around me

More so than I ever have

I'm trying to do everything in new ways

Different than the habits that have governed my behaviors in the past

With all that I know now and the knowledge I continue to gain

It's important to be vulnerable even when it hurts

And not to become callous

To remain soft when surrounded by the harsh weather

To remain warm when the coldness takes you in its arms

To keep your heart, mind, and soul open

And to engage in exercising the the plasticity of your brain

Because an old dog can learn new tricks 

I won't feel helpless in any regard

I won't be immobilized by fear

Because I have no fear

Only compassion and drive

When I feel as though I am about to become fearful it tends to because I am beginning to experience cognitive dissonance 

And therefore a sign that I am engaged in thought or behavior that does not align with the values and morals of my ideal self

The self I experience through self actualization 

And I stead of falling to fear I turn to compassion for myself and others

Compassion is a form of love

And I think about what would be the right thing to do

And usually there is a sacrifice

And the sacrifice is usually painful

I've been suffering so much

Because of that which I must sacrifice

Damned if I do damned if I don't 

But I know I will persevere